What “Nakem” is through living it

by: Rowena Flores

"Gusto ko lumaki kayo nang may nakem (I want you to grow up with nakem)."

My father would attempt to explain "nakem" to me at the dinner table, struggling to get the right words out to explain what it meant. There is no Tagalog equivalent for the word, nor was it easy to define in its entirety. But even as he struggled to convey its meaning in words, aided by hand gestures, I understood what "nakem" meant.

I have lived, whipped everyday, by experiences that gave me "nakem" towards my parents and family.

How could I not? There was everywhere to look for things that simply demand sympathy from my heart. As long as I kept my eyes open, looking beyond the many present moments I immersed myself with the sight of my scramble buyers, my father running back and forth to attend to our needs while checking the small business, the difference between the kid playing games with his laptop and my sisters who patiently take turns with a mobile phone game, and many more… I would learn. And the seeds of "nakem" will be planted.

There are abundant reasons hanging on the line called "we have to." We were poor. We had to work hard for food. And when we were finally able to take one step upward the ladder of financial comfort, we had to work hard for stability. It was an opportunity to pay debts, to save up for the future, and to prevent ourselves from being set back to poverty by unprecedented mishaps we might encounter.

I saw my mother cope with loneliness abroad- at times, to the point of being so homesick, she would go on outbursts where she would claim to go home. But no matter how bad she wanted to leave, she stayed there, because of us. It was for her family to survive. And she would raise another woman's child, while I tend to my siblings in her stead.

I saw my father work himself to the bone. I would come home at five after school to offer him coffee, because it was only then that he would take a break from scrubbing tiles since one pm. I would join him in scrubbing and fetching water after coffee break, so that we could finish the work by sun down. If we earn through his side hustle, we could save part of the allowance mama sends us and use it to pay our debts.

Where Nakem Sprouts

Bread, spread, and coffee are a humble Ilocano's breakfast or power snack for a long day's toil

Photo by: Rowena Flores

It does not require rough circumstances for a person to develop it, but I dare say that those circumstances bring people closer to realizing “nakem” before one even knows what the word means. "Nakem" is cultivated. Sometimes, it can be fertilized by people taking the time to show you the vulnerable or hidden parts of themselves- when they take time to let you know them, their personality, or their motivations and more.

Moments where people let you get a fuller understanding of what they're going through are the moments where the sense of "nakem" planted in you grows.

Sometimes, I wonder if my father deliberately chose some of those moments to show me how difficult it was for him. How he was trying his hardest. And how tired he was. I have seen the same scenario many times over. Sweat on his brows, his half naked body covered in dirt and grime, he would exhale his fatigue in words like “nagrigat ti biag (life is hard).” But after that, he would puff his chest, pick up the scrubs, and continue on his unfinished work.

I had asked my dad again, and he associated "nakem" with maturity. Maturity in a sense that a child already knows and feels the realities experienced by others around them. That was the nearest definition he can give "nakem" from his perspective as a parent. However, "nakem" is not contained to maturity.

Ask any other Ilocano, and they would also find it difficult to contain "nakem" in one word, for it encompasses more than just one emotion or action.

Photo by: NightCafe/ Anonymous user

Jeffrey Acido (2016) defined “nakem” as soul consciousness. He presented it as the summoning of our stories as well as the experiences of our ancestors, where the soul is seen as the inner life where experiences are sought and interpreted beyond the material present.

Living Nakem in experience

Outside of the scholarly article, I think of “nakem” from my experience.

It's when you feel a sense of empathy and care for another person. But more than that, it is also conscience– a deep understanding of a person– consciousness for what they have done, what they are doing, and for them as a person. It's a connection. It is all this. And it is hard to define, because unidirectional words cannot fully encapsulate the rather complicated, but deep meaning behind the word.

If "nakem" materialized through words, I see it as "I understand you. I care for you," because the essence of the words show in one’s actions and character. It would be no exaggeration to say that one must embody “nakem,” because it can only be that when it shows.

For all the complicated things it is, this much is clear: “nakem” comes from the heart. From there, it flows right out the body, maybe in the form of words, but in typical Ilocano fashion, it would show through our fingertips: in picking up a broom in a backyard, taking a sickle in the field, or handing a cup of coffee in the workplace- all things done with initiative. We would recognize it; right there, that’s “nakem.”

References:

Acido, Jeffrey Tangonan. 2016. “Nakem Pedagogy: Social Biography in Liberatory Education.” Educational Perspectives 48: 48–54. https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ1143386.